I posted this to Facebook and Instagram awhile ago, but I really want it to live here on the blog, as well because it’s so integral to who I am and why I’m so passionate about health from an anti-size perspective.
Getting this posted to the blog long after the fact feels fitting, and it’s still true: better late than never.
Here’s the original post:
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anaïs Nin
I remember this trip so vividly. This must have been the early to mid-90s. We got to visit the top of the World Trade Center and experienced so many amazing things.
But you know what I was mostly thinking about? Myself. Being so insecure. What did my body look like? My double chin. Was my t-shirt sticking to my stomach when I walked? Looking at other NYC people and comparing myself to all. Of. Them. I grew up in the age of Kate Moss. The toxicity we experience as females in relation to our bodies starts so young it’s almost like you don’t even realize it’s crept in and taken over. I remember comparing my legs to Barbie and wondering why my calves weren’t as shapely and didn’t touch like hers, and why my thighs were so much bigger. At 5 years old. FIVE. YEARS. OLD.
It wasn’t until early adulthood that I was able to start separating myself from the outside noise. And that’s when my health journey really started.
Looking back, I wish I had spent less time wrapped up in my own insecurities, able to just enjoy the things around me. It breaks my heart to think of 12-year old me obsessing about food and appearance. I don’t want anyone else to feel that way. Ever. And it’s why I want to spend the rest of my life trying to help people fight against what society tells them they should do, be & want, and find their own version of health and happiness.
Keep blossoming, try desperately to ignore toxic outside noise, and don’t apologize. Just because your version of health and happiness isn’t one you’ve seen yet doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.